Another Intellectual Being

Love

The Usual Symptoms

BurningLove


You are so ready to feel loved and feel worthy of being loved and yet you are so choosy on what that love would look like. Think of all the various types of love you have received in your life and realize that someone who is always late all the time isn’t really that bad. Some of the people who said they loved you just wanted to find a shortcut into your pants or they called you names, hit you, messed up your head and left you all in the name of affection. Life forces you to reach a stage when even someone remotely showing interested in you, makes you feel like you’ve caught the big fish.

You allow the disdainful courtship to proceed fairly quickly because you want to hear them say “I Love You”. Getting to know them properly with proper amounts of reflection and hesitation is currently not your plan of action. There is just someone frequently finding themselves in your arms, giving you a sense of devotion. You don’t even feel that you deserve more.

You hold on to them very tightly sitting together on the sofa of a posh upmarket café, knowing that the moment you both leave things will be different. You come to get used to the fact that they only give love in minute amounts, yet you cannot get accustomed to it. You feel a certain amount of longing even when they are only a few feet away from you. Their presence at your side is always a pleasant surprise, never something that you can ever take for granted.

You ask them for more signs of commitment and they stall you. You want them to tell you how much they need you but inside you know that they will say it only to please you. You quietly pray to god for a version of them that cares about you as much as you do for them. You quietly wish that they take you to a place with all their friends and proudly present you to every new person you meet. Just think about the life you would’ve had, if you did not know that they somehow felt ashamed about you. You know that they will never declare true love but bring yourself to believe that you don’t care.

But you do.

You feel the grasp of the relation closing around your neck and yet you don’t get a kick in the shin to tell you that “You deserve better”. You tell yourself that you expected worse than this and are contempt with the current situation, shame on you.

You meet a common friend on the road and they ask you “How long have you been in love?” and your ‘lover’ meekly replies “Ohh! We’re just seeing each other!” It suddenly brings you to realize that you are in a platonic relationship but you gave them free benefits, all that you planned with them was just like contemplated suicide, harsh.

Best of luck explaining the situation to all your closest friends who you told about your true love.

You tell them you are not in love.

You know you are.

You tell yourself that you’ll choose wisely next time. You won’t.


Kuch Bandh Padha Hain

Na jaane in darazo me rakka kya hain?
Kya hain woh khilone bachpan ke,
Kuch tute kuch adhmare se,
Jinke saath ab meri khelne ki chaah nahi h.

Ya phir rakhe hain kuch khat,
Kuch yaadein simat kar rakhi gayi hain.
Magar dhool jami hain darazo par,
Kya kholta hoga inhe ab koi?

Raakhe honge kuch purani baatein,
Woh school ke medal aur scholar badge ki yaadein.
Ab engineering padhte padhte unki,
Yaad aati hain khub jamke.

Yah hain bhai ki koi shaitani,
Koi surri bamb ya koi makaude.
Yaah kuch mithai chipai hogi usne,
Chup chupke khata hoga phursat me.

Na jaane in darazo me rakha kya hain?
Inhe kholkar dekhoonga kabhi.
Magar aaj waqt hi kaha hain,
College jaane se phursat hi nahi


Raindrops, Roses, Sunshine and again


I wake up on Mondays thinking that it is absolutely idiotic to go to college. My college, although a scumbag on all counts suddenly decided that we should not have more than 3 classes on Monday. So I wake up at 7:30, fight with sleep and cold water and everything, then jostle through traffic at 15 different points of my route and finally reach college at 9:15. Whoosh 3 hours later I am free for the day with nothing to do, Happy that I am now free, Sad that tomorrow I have college till 5pm, bastard I tell you.

It was hot today but Madame Haldar was convinced otherwise. She thought it was the beautiful autumn sun that we both love. I thought that it was hot. Anyway I gave into her ideas and we decided to go to Old Fort to click pictures and do boating. It was to be our first photo walk in a long long time.

On reaching Old Fort Barnita discovered that it was really still quite hot and we turned into sweaty messes in just about 5 minutes. However the camera kept dragging us on, once you are possessed by it there’s no letting go. So we went crazy and kept clicking lots and lots of pictures but finally the heat got to us. We even gave up on the idea of boating.

Cooling ourselves with a glass of chilled Lassi and a Coke we headed out to have lunch as our stomachs were rumbling quite loudly. Now this is the point where something really funny happened. We had decided to go to Khan Market but somehow I just couldn’t manage to find it. We followed the road signs and asked people, the whole shebang but we just couldn’t find it.

Wandering about a bit more in the car we reached Lodi Garden which was also were we had one of our best photo walks and Barnita had clicked an amazing picture of a tree. Suddenly my brain churned up some distant thoughts and I remembered that the Alliance Francaise Cafeteria claimed to have some nice and cheap food and hence with Barnita’s approval we both set out to a lunch in Alliance Francaise.


The surroundings encouraged us to try out a French dish and there were definitely some on the menu. Yay. 😀 I really wanted to have fish fingers for a change and that really made Barnita happy. (More on my affliction towards fish later) The other item on the menu I had my eyes set on was the Chicken Cordon Bleu. Sadly both the Fish Fingers and the Cordon Bleu was unavailable. I settled for a Poulet a la Normandy(Grilled Chicken with Mash Potato and Salad) – Rs. 200, a Mushroom Cheese Omelette – Rs. 50 and the usual culprit a singular Lemon Iced Tea – Rs. 30. The quantity was quite generous but I found the Mashed Potato a bit dry and the Grilled Chicken a bit undercooked, but the flavours were intact and nice. It did well to fill our stomachs and the Omelette was just the way I liked it so no complains there.

After lunch it started raining and Barnita had an amazing idea to go boating near India Gate. After wandering around various roads in Lutyen’s Delhi we finally reached India gate. The boat ride was nice and romantic and a beautiful end to an amazing day.

ON the way back it started raining cats and dogs and Barnita went crazy clicking pictures. 😀

Sadly and obviously there was a part involving us being stuck in traffic for 40 minutes but that can still be overlooked.

All in all an amazing day after a long long time. 😀

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To The Cause of Love

 

Two years sailing in this wonderful dream and yet I do not know what it is truly.

Love is a very strange word. The longer it lasts the stranger it gets but I somehow feel love cannot be fathomed so easily.

I feel that your understanding of love grows at par with the duration of it. In those terms I only have 2% idea of what love actually is but then again its relative. It can depend on the span of life, being in love etc etc etc.

Love is strange, but I know whats not. Being with you.

It has been a wonderful two years with you love. Immensely joyous, terribly irritating. It gives me a terrible headache at times and really good feelings at others. It’s a wonderful, amazing journey with you and it does not compare to anything else in life.

You are a combination of things that I love and things I lack. You are beautiful, you are kind, you don’t have a single bit of patience and you never get my jokes. :/

You are strange, you are wonderful, you are what happens when dreams are dipped in colour. I may be mushy, I may be openly romantic, hell I may be cheesy but I will not miss an opportunity to tell you how much I love you.

No matter when you are sad, angry, pissed or irritated, I still love you. You test my patience like hell at times but I can’t help not loving you.

You do the wondrous things at the most amazing moments which make every day of being with you an eternal adventure. It has been 2 years and still at times I can’t tell what you’ll do when, I love your impulse.

You are confused about many things, yet you have this insane capability to love. You end up caring for people whom you hate, you are just amazing that way. You are special, you are crazy, you are gift to me.

I just want to say. I love you. I really love you.

–          A crazy crazy man


Another Parody Called Life

 

­­­­What do you do for your family, for your house?

Frankly, Yes I don’t do anything. I lie down on my bed all day staring into a laptop screen with headphones in my ears.

 

Once or twice I feel like going and helping them. I go and say *So whats happening? Tell me what to do?* and I always get the same reply. *No thanks, You’ve done enough.* Well If I did then why blame me all this while? I just don’t understand all this unnecessary use of sarcastic lines. I don’t know when it started. I’ve automatically taken a back seat to my family. I prefer keeping to myself, not that I’m talking or thinking about anybody else at that moment. I just like sitting back and thinking of all the ways my life sucks and about all the things I have to do, the things that need to be.

 

What am I? An engineer? A photographer? I don’t even know for sure. I don’t even know what I am supposed to be doing. Is *Don’t want to be an Engineer* an optimistic career goal after completing engineering? Or is confusion about doing photography after breathing with a camera for 4 years too wasteful?

 

I used to write a lot too, where has that habit gone? Do I need to rediscover myself or is it too late?

 

My parents always told me *Jack of All Trades, Master of None* and yet they didn’t stop me from doing everything I set my eyes on. I did all that I could muster and some things that I could not fathom. I made Music, I wrote Poetry, I wrote Fiction Novels, I clicked Photographs, I made Movies, I made Computer Programs, there’s a hell lot more to this list. Sometimes I wonder how life would have been if I would have just narrowed it down, maybe I could do one thing better than everybody else, maybe I could have rid myself off this utter confusion and despair.

 

1.5 Semesters to go till I officially pass out of college and I don’t know my next step. I was never one for the ever so thoughtful game of chess. Even in Chess, the future was always clouded to me, I could never predict moves, nor the psyche of my opponent.

 

I can never judge people, I say things off the top of my head, I am deeply judgmental and I am scared. In this race to always be known, always be regarded by people, I have lost myself. I don’t know anymore who I am, I look back at myself 2 years ago and find myself totally different.

 

My thoughts aren’t my own, I don’t even know if I think at all. Most of the times I am just vacant, totally hollow from inside. I’m lost like a child in a jungle of modernity and hunger. I walk alone in restless dreams. All I want is some anarchy, some deep rooted anarchy. I’m craving for anarchy in my life, in my world.

In the words of the ancients,

Ύβρις είναι μοιραίο λάθος μου και η ζωή είναι η καταστροφή μου.

Hubris is my fatal flaw and Life is my Ate

 

 


I will lay me down for you!

When you’re weary, feelin’ small
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all
I’m on your side, oh, when times get rough, and friends just can’t be found

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down

When you’re down and out, when you’re on the street
When evening falls so hard, I will comfort you
I’ll take your part, oh when darkness comes, and pain is all around

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind

Sail on silver girl, sail on by
Your time has come to shine, and all your dreams will run their way
See how they shine, oh, if you need a friend, I’m sailing right behind

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind


The Tale Of The Freebird

I stood mooring on a cliff,

Staring vacantly at the chasms blue.

My wings were quite weary,

Flying through a storm or two.

 

I tapped my feet on the rock,

Quite unsure of my flow.

But I had seen the others,

Quite dainty right below.

 

I spread my wings and saw,

A feather ruffled or two.

I tapped my feet again,

Unsure of what to do.

 

A slight chill in the air,

The gale my ugly foe.

It understood quite well,

My intentions to go below.

 

A fear started in my heart,

And it slowly grew.

If ever my wings could take flight,

Was not something I knew.

 

Then I felt a warm presence,

A beautiful radiance in slight.

She asked what I was doing,

Why I wasn’t in flight?

 

I showed her my ruffled feathers,

Told her of my fears.

She opened up her wings,

There were holes made by spears.

 

Yet when she flew,

What a magnificent sight.

She came around a sharp turn,

And sneaked up on my right.

 

She gave a mighty push,

I shot clear of the cliff.

Save me, save me I cried,

From my trembling lips.

 

She said let your wings out,

Embrace the world below.

I looked down and saw,

I was flying quite low.

 

I flapped my wings, flapped them harder,

I found that I could fly.

My joy was quite unbound,

That I shot up straight so high.

 

I caught up with the Freebird,

Asked her of her tale.

Regardless of the matter,

With her in love I fell.