You are so ready to feel loved and feel worthy of being loved and yet you are so choosy on what that love would look like. Think of all the various types of love you have received in your life and realize that someone who is always late all the time isn’t really that bad. Some of the people who said they loved you just wanted to find a shortcut into your pants or they called you names, hit you, messed up your head and left you all in the name of affection. Life forces you to reach a stage when even someone remotely showing interested in you, makes you feel like you’ve caught the big fish.
You allow the disdainful courtship to proceed fairly quickly because you want to hear them say “I Love You”. Getting to know them properly with proper amounts of reflection and hesitation is currently not your plan of action. There is just someone frequently finding themselves in your arms, giving you a sense of devotion. You don’t even feel that you deserve more.
You hold on to them very tightly sitting together on the sofa of a posh upmarket café, knowing that the moment you both leave things will be different. You come to get used to the fact that they only give love in minute amounts, yet you cannot get accustomed to it. You feel a certain amount of longing even when they are only a few feet away from you. Their presence at your side is always a pleasant surprise, never something that you can ever take for granted.
You ask them for more signs of commitment and they stall you. You want them to tell you how much they need you but inside you know that they will say it only to please you. You quietly pray to god for a version of them that cares about you as much as you do for them. You quietly wish that they take you to a place with all their friends and proudly present you to every new person you meet. Just think about the life you would’ve had, if you did not know that they somehow felt ashamed about you. You know that they will never declare true love but bring yourself to believe that you don’t care.
But you do.
You feel the grasp of the relation closing around your neck and yet you don’t get a kick in the shin to tell you that “You deserve better”. You tell yourself that you expected worse than this and are contempt with the current situation, shame on you.
You meet a common friend on the road and they ask you “How long have you been in love?” and your ‘lover’ meekly replies “Ohh! We’re just seeing each other!” It suddenly brings you to realize that you are in a platonic relationship but you gave them free benefits, all that you planned with them was just like contemplated suicide, harsh.
Best of luck explaining the situation to all your closest friends who you told about your true love.
You tell them you are not in love.
You know you are.
You tell yourself that you’ll choose wisely next time. You won’t.
Around 90% of people associate Obesity with imminent death. When you’re obese, everyone you meet is a well wisher, everyone has an opinion to give about your weight. People call you fat. I simply don’t understand how that has become an insult.
All of these people have certain cliched things to say:
“Beta, Why don’t you run?”
Well simply because I have tried and it does not work. Then again since I’m fat, anything that I claim to have tried or done about my weight is negated unless I have a lean-mean toned body at present.
“Metabolism? Arrey ussey kuch farak nahi padhta!”
Ya great, I never knew you were a doctor. How did you guess that my body’s inability to properly digest food is all bullshit? Oh the agony of knowing, of having consulted so many expensive doctors. If only you had appeared before me before, in shining light.
“Bro Gym Maar Yaar”
Oh! How come I never thought of that? Maybe because manual exercise is painful, it hurts my already effed up spine. My spondylosis, which is partially genetic hurts me, causes me pain. When I run, it hurts. When i sit, it hurts. It just hurts a lot from exercise Ok?
“You never try hard enough! You don’t care about your future!”
Ahh well. I don’t. Simply because I have and it doesn’t change shit. And as for my future, yeah my plan is a painful form of suicide which spans atleast 5-6 decades and involves me consuming everything that compels me to continue living.
“You’re going to have Health Problems. Fat kills you!”
Yes, on an average fat people tend to have heart problems but the majority of them are morbidly obese, have diabetes, sleep apnea and other hyper tension related diseases. No they don’t occur just like that.
I have as much chance of dying from obesity as of getting hit by lightning during a storm. I should propably stop enjoying rains too.
I just can’t understand why my weight appears to you as such an eyesore, you random strangers, relatives and guests.
I’m fat. It’s somewhat genetic. I could do all the shitty running and jogging, I could starve to death but I will remain the same.
Studies have shown thin people as having higher risks for heart disease, People should be glad that I didn’t have bulimia. Life is complicated folks, so stop stereotyping and branding things.
Obesity does not kill anymore than common cold. Sometimes you can have a metabolism which may not allow you to lose weight, sometimes your body frame may be too stocky. All external factors, multiple things that can affect a person.
So stop being pitiful and mean. Let a man with a paunch teach you the pleasure of eating. 🙂
P.S. – BMI is shit. Look here instead.
Na jaane in darazo me rakka kya hain?
Kya hain woh khilone bachpan ke,
Kuch tute kuch adhmare se,
Jinke saath ab meri khelne ki chaah nahi h.
Ya phir rakhe hain kuch khat,
Kuch yaadein simat kar rakhi gayi hain.
Magar dhool jami hain darazo par,
Kya kholta hoga inhe ab koi?
Raakhe honge kuch purani baatein,
Woh school ke medal aur scholar badge ki yaadein.
Ab engineering padhte padhte unki,
Yaad aati hain khub jamke.
Yah hain bhai ki koi shaitani,
Koi surri bamb ya koi makaude.
Yaah kuch mithai chipai hogi usne,
Chup chupke khata hoga phursat me.
Na jaane in darazo me rakha kya hain?
Inhe kholkar dekhoonga kabhi.
Magar aaj waqt hi kaha hain,
College jaane se phursat hi nahi
I wake up on Mondays thinking that it is absolutely idiotic to go to college. My college, although a scumbag on all counts suddenly decided that we should not have more than 3 classes on Monday. So I wake up at 7:30, fight with sleep and cold water and everything, then jostle through traffic at 15 different points of my route and finally reach college at 9:15. Whoosh 3 hours later I am free for the day with nothing to do, Happy that I am now free, Sad that tomorrow I have college till 5pm, bastard I tell you.
It was hot today but Madame Haldar was convinced otherwise. She thought it was the beautiful autumn sun that we both love. I thought that it was hot. Anyway I gave into her ideas and we decided to go to Old Fort to click pictures and do boating. It was to be our first photo walk in a long long time.
On reaching Old Fort Barnita discovered that it was really still quite hot and we turned into sweaty messes in just about 5 minutes. However the camera kept dragging us on, once you are possessed by it there’s no letting go. So we went crazy and kept clicking lots and lots of pictures but finally the heat got to us. We even gave up on the idea of boating.
Cooling ourselves with a glass of chilled Lassi and a Coke we headed out to have lunch as our stomachs were rumbling quite loudly. Now this is the point where something really funny happened. We had decided to go to Khan Market but somehow I just couldn’t manage to find it. We followed the road signs and asked people, the whole shebang but we just couldn’t find it.
Wandering about a bit more in the car we reached Lodi Garden which was also were we had one of our best photo walks and Barnita had clicked an amazing picture of a tree. Suddenly my brain churned up some distant thoughts and I remembered that the Alliance Francaise Cafeteria claimed to have some nice and cheap food and hence with Barnita’s approval we both set out to a lunch in Alliance Francaise.
The surroundings encouraged us to try out a French dish and there were definitely some on the menu. Yay. 😀 I really wanted to have fish fingers for a change and that really made Barnita happy. (More on my affliction towards fish later) The other item on the menu I had my eyes set on was the Chicken Cordon Bleu. Sadly both the Fish Fingers and the Cordon Bleu was unavailable. I settled for a Poulet a la Normandy(Grilled Chicken with Mash Potato and Salad) – Rs. 200, a Mushroom Cheese Omelette – Rs. 50 and the usual culprit a singular Lemon Iced Tea – Rs. 30. The quantity was quite generous but I found the Mashed Potato a bit dry and the Grilled Chicken a bit undercooked, but the flavours were intact and nice. It did well to fill our stomachs and the Omelette was just the way I liked it so no complains there.
After lunch it started raining and Barnita had an amazing idea to go boating near India Gate. After wandering around various roads in Lutyen’s Delhi we finally reached India gate. The boat ride was nice and romantic and a beautiful end to an amazing day.
ON the way back it started raining cats and dogs and Barnita went crazy clicking pictures. 😀
Sadly and obviously there was a part involving us being stuck in traffic for 40 minutes but that can still be overlooked.
All in all an amazing day after a long long time. 😀
Where dreams shatter and clouds pour in color,
A man walks by in a single file of lies.
Bursts of wondrous joy and madness,
Pour in constant about us.
Where colors come to die and paint sheds a tear
When wondrous shapes fill the wall with smoke
Splashes of white waste on the walls
Colorful intrepid haze of acid
Floating the floor below us and above
In dewdrops of red and orange
Misty walls of distant dreams
Placemats of gods creation
She crept up silently from her bed and dusted the night’s madness off her self. It was an eerie hour of dawn and she began preparing her mind for the ordeal that lay ahead. She got off her tiny bed and looked out the window of her cramped little room.
The vastness of the view seemed to fight her meek existense, as if to sound out a challenge. She closed the shutters and rid herself of the prying eyes, the soul less glares. She tiptoed towards the bathroom stealing glances behind her, trying to find shadows in the non existent crevices of her dingy room. The shower welcomed her with warmth against the chill of the city.
She stood beneath the running water, a lifeless form, castrating thoughts, memories and distinguished nightmares from her mind. She was fighting it all but she knew today will be her last. She made herself a cocoon with the towel and wore her everyday clothes, a jeans, a t-shirt and the power to endure all.
She gathered her bag and left the room, her sad eyes scanned the room knowing that the room, her world might get lost today. She tiptoed down the stairs and into the open road, into the freedom.
Her clothes felt weird on her body, in reality she felt naked as she watched each man she passed by, strip her with his eyes. She pulled her clothes in tighter, afraid that they’ll be taken away in a horrible sort of way. She passed by more lecherous men and with time the glares got stronger, almost open challenging her chastity. Lewd actions had started making their presence felt, gestures of breast gropes and other horrid fantasies.
She felt like a hamster in a cage, running on a wheel to no result. Her mind fluttered in her darkness as her body took part in material erotica of the people she passed by. A crowd was approaching and as she was being justled from side to side she felt lingering touches on her breasts and bottom. Uncomfortable as she was, she had no choice, it was a ritual almost.
She remembered the senile old man who groped as she was touching his feet, the roadside romeos who pulled out their appendages even without any provocation from her side. The cars with black tinted windows who stopped beside her asking how much she took for the night. Men with their mind in the gutters, men whose head were still held high.
She looked behind abruptly and saw three men following her closely with evident malicious intent. She saw the gate on her left, it was close. Perhaps she should run but that would show her weakness. She walked on at a quiet pace, her ears rejecting the bile that came from the mouths of the men.
She saw the men catch up to her, she flanked to her right and entered the gate. She had reached college, she was safe another day, her life returned to her.
She would live for another day, her life was still safe but she would have to endure it again. Tomorrow, day after, day after day, such has become the existence of women in our horrid society.
Written on the eve of Women’s Day.
8th March is celebrated as International Women’s Day. In different regions the focus of the celebrations ranges from general celebration of respect, appreciation and love towards women to a celebration for women’s economic, political and social achievements.
A woman’s essence lies in her innate ability to care, love and sacrifice for the other. She plays an all-enveloping character of a mother, daughter, wife and sister as a friend, nurturer, guide and partner from time to time. Emotional and vulnerable, sometimes erratic, sometimes serene, she displays a wonderful range of emotions from being patient to being extremely courageous in times of crisis.
Tormented and subjugated throughout all times and ages, women have fought their way through exploitation, harassment, and have managed to secure their rights in the public domain. In spite of continuing exploitation and injustice against women both in the domestic and work sector today, several milestones have been achieved in terms of education, freedom of choice and liberty, equality etc. With growing literacy and financial independence women feel more empowered today to assert their right to a life of dignity and self worth.
The International Women’s Day celebrated on 8th March is a universal day for all women around the world. It endows them with a sense of honour, dignity and self respect for being the person that they are. This day marks a celebration of the economic, social, cultural and political achievements made by women over the years.
Yet the plight of Women continues in a Global City like Delhi. Women are raped, murdered and thrown on sidewalks in body bags. And the public blames the police and the judiciary system, but I see a different truth through my eyes.
It is not the Police or The Judiciary System that rapes and tortures Women. The perpetrators of such acts are people who are often counted as the public who blames the Police and the Law and escapes scot free.
Implementing more task forces or other law enforcements would not guarantee the safety of women. Neither would restricting the freedom of Women. They have every right to live their lives as freely as any man would. She should have the right to have a walk at night and feel safe. The constant worry of harassment, rape and such should not keep worrying her at all times.
The male mind needs to be blamed for most of the uncomfortable situations a Woman finds herself in. Constant ogling, passing lewd comments, touching her body parts at any given chance are all signs of how the men are faltering and falling to the level of dogs.
What most men who initiate such acts never fail to realise is that the same can happen to their Mothers, Sisters and Daughters. The culprit today can become the victim tomorrow. Such horror mongers are often motivated by the silence of Women. When women choose to ignore such Animalistic acts they become contributors to the crime. They are to be even blamed.
It is understandable that you feel threatened to take any action in situations of eve teasing but never stray from calling on the public or the men who care about you. These mongrels need to be treated like the scum they are and be blown off from below the gutters of the society.
WE NEED CHANGE. WE NEED IT NOW. MEN AND WOMEN NEED TO ACT TOGETHER. THE SOCIETY NEEDS TO CHANGE. THESE ACTS AFFECT MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE. DON’T BE A MUTE SPECTATOR. SPEAK UP. BE THE CHANGE.