Another Parody Called Life
What do you do for your family, for your house?
Frankly, Yes I don’t do anything. I lie down on my bed all day staring into a laptop screen with headphones in my ears.
Once or twice I feel like going and helping them. I go and say *So whats happening? Tell me what to do?* and I always get the same reply. *No thanks, You’ve done enough.* Well If I did then why blame me all this while? I just don’t understand all this unnecessary use of sarcastic lines. I don’t know when it started. I’ve automatically taken a back seat to my family. I prefer keeping to myself, not that I’m talking or thinking about anybody else at that moment. I just like sitting back and thinking of all the ways my life sucks and about all the things I have to do, the things that need to be.
What am I? An engineer? A photographer? I don’t even know for sure. I don’t even know what I am supposed to be doing. Is *Don’t want to be an Engineer* an optimistic career goal after completing engineering? Or is confusion about doing photography after breathing with a camera for 4 years too wasteful?
I used to write a lot too, where has that habit gone? Do I need to rediscover myself or is it too late?
My parents always told me *Jack of All Trades, Master of None* and yet they didn’t stop me from doing everything I set my eyes on. I did all that I could muster and some things that I could not fathom. I made Music, I wrote Poetry, I wrote Fiction Novels, I clicked Photographs, I made Movies, I made Computer Programs, there’s a hell lot more to this list. Sometimes I wonder how life would have been if I would have just narrowed it down, maybe I could do one thing better than everybody else, maybe I could have rid myself off this utter confusion and despair.
1.5 Semesters to go till I officially pass out of college and I don’t know my next step. I was never one for the ever so thoughtful game of chess. Even in Chess, the future was always clouded to me, I could never predict moves, nor the psyche of my opponent.
I can never judge people, I say things off the top of my head, I am deeply judgmental and I am scared. In this race to always be known, always be regarded by people, I have lost myself. I don’t know anymore who I am, I look back at myself 2 years ago and find myself totally different.
My thoughts aren’t my own, I don’t even know if I think at all. Most of the times I am just vacant, totally hollow from inside. I’m lost like a child in a jungle of modernity and hunger. I walk alone in restless dreams. All I want is some anarchy, some deep rooted anarchy. I’m craving for anarchy in my life, in my world.
In the words of the ancients,
Ύβρις είναι μοιραίο λάθος μου και η ζωή είναι η καταστροφή μου.