Another Intellectual Being

Another Parody Called Life

 

­­­­What do you do for your family, for your house?

Frankly, Yes I don’t do anything. I lie down on my bed all day staring into a laptop screen with headphones in my ears.

 

Once or twice I feel like going and helping them. I go and say *So whats happening? Tell me what to do?* and I always get the same reply. *No thanks, You’ve done enough.* Well If I did then why blame me all this while? I just don’t understand all this unnecessary use of sarcastic lines. I don’t know when it started. I’ve automatically taken a back seat to my family. I prefer keeping to myself, not that I’m talking or thinking about anybody else at that moment. I just like sitting back and thinking of all the ways my life sucks and about all the things I have to do, the things that need to be.

 

What am I? An engineer? A photographer? I don’t even know for sure. I don’t even know what I am supposed to be doing. Is *Don’t want to be an Engineer* an optimistic career goal after completing engineering? Or is confusion about doing photography after breathing with a camera for 4 years too wasteful?

 

I used to write a lot too, where has that habit gone? Do I need to rediscover myself or is it too late?

 

My parents always told me *Jack of All Trades, Master of None* and yet they didn’t stop me from doing everything I set my eyes on. I did all that I could muster and some things that I could not fathom. I made Music, I wrote Poetry, I wrote Fiction Novels, I clicked Photographs, I made Movies, I made Computer Programs, there’s a hell lot more to this list. Sometimes I wonder how life would have been if I would have just narrowed it down, maybe I could do one thing better than everybody else, maybe I could have rid myself off this utter confusion and despair.

 

1.5 Semesters to go till I officially pass out of college and I don’t know my next step. I was never one for the ever so thoughtful game of chess. Even in Chess, the future was always clouded to me, I could never predict moves, nor the psyche of my opponent.

 

I can never judge people, I say things off the top of my head, I am deeply judgmental and I am scared. In this race to always be known, always be regarded by people, I have lost myself. I don’t know anymore who I am, I look back at myself 2 years ago and find myself totally different.

 

My thoughts aren’t my own, I don’t even know if I think at all. Most of the times I am just vacant, totally hollow from inside. I’m lost like a child in a jungle of modernity and hunger. I walk alone in restless dreams. All I want is some anarchy, some deep rooted anarchy. I’m craving for anarchy in my life, in my world.

In the words of the ancients,

Ύβρις είναι μοιραίο λάθος μου και η ζωή είναι η καταστροφή μου.

Hubris is my fatal flaw and Life is my Ate

 

 

Advertisements

2 responses

  1. Do what makes you happy… Something that doesn’t feel like work..

    December 6, 2011 at 7:19 am

  2. Shruti

    Empathy is the word. Eloquent.

    February 16, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s