Life seems so dreary and boring sometimes. I’m locked up in my house studying for my year backs and writing a term paper. You’re studying Engineering, People say; hence you have to work hard. I do work quite hard thank you. I tried the entire first semester to catch up with the studies, to be a good boy. Studying with full vigour and enthusiasm. A bunk once in a while with friends to see a random movie or relax. I made sure to catch up with the work the next day. Lots of good it did me. I got two backs, one each in Maths and Physics.
And I got a 4.5 pointer which is almost a failure in the word of engineering nerdness. I buckled up. Dad threatened me to study harder and that if I get another back he’d stop giving my fees. I was perturbed about it for exactly 48 hours. Then I forgot about it.
I had found the perfect company. A bandwagon of 5 guys. Ultimate fun. No one could have asked for more. I saw all of them getting involved with girls. Heck even I tried. Fell flat on my face as usual. Still we had oodles of fun. I made new friends, female friends too. The end result being 3 backs, debarred in 1 subject and 4 pointer. Could anything else go wrong?
Most of you must have seen me online on facebook 24*7. You must have even wondered once or twice. Is this guy really so useless? Doesn’t he have a life or friends? If truth be told, then yes I have a life, a rather rocking one. And I have so so many friends. Just none who live nearby enough to hang out with. Arpit lives in Ashok Vihar, Abhinav in Ghaziabad and Jeeshan’s in iffing Canada. What’s distance when it comes to wanting to have fun, eh? Well it does evidently matter when you always need a driver since you don’t know how to drive. But now I learnt to drive. I’ve been driving quite well but heck; no one lets me drive alone. What if I parked the car up a tree? What if I saw a pretty face on the road and got distracted? Excuses, excuses, excuses.
In reality I don’t really think I have any friends. I stay at home all day. Face glued to my laptop’s screen. I call myself a photographer but never really go out to shoot. Well it’s boring to be alone all the time. My mom says I’ve become a social outcast by socialising on facebook. I asked her if she’d let me go to a party. She said no. She even takes away my internet connection just because I’m online to long. Damn what does everybody want from me? Some say I don’t know humility; some call me desperate, some say I’m a retard. Damn am I really? How can you say that? How well do you know me anyway? Does anyone know me at all? Does anyone care? Questions, questions and even more questions. They never really get answered.
Guys give you importance if you know many girls. But girls never give any guy a fair chance. Unless, a) They are in dire need of help, b) They are bored or c) The guy looks like Adonis. But I guess the rate at which these girls are going. Even Adonis would be sitting at home. Crying in his mother’s lap. You go up to a girl and say hi and she’ll look at you as if you’ve just asked her to give you both of her kidneys. Ease up women. Just because we’re talking to you doesn’t mean we have wet dreams about you or want to make kids with you. And then if you’re nice with a girl, a few days later somebody would be bound to ask you if you have a crush on that girl. Just because you give someone a little attention doesn’t mean you’re head over heels in love with that person. Damn!
People are so possessed about the fact that somebody may like somebody. How the hell were you born? Did the stork bring you in? Special delivery? Everybody is so clueless these days. So much perturbed about things that shouldn’t be even thought about. What if I like a girl? What if I like every girl I meet? Is it really such a big deal? None of them ever liked me back so what good does it do anyway. Now if I dated every girl I met, now that would be very disapproving and disturbing. But heck I don’t even want to do that. I’d be very happy to be stuck with one girl all my life. Given that I atleast get along with her.
Oh and the funniest thing. I’ve seen girls go bonkers over a guy who I wouldn’t even call a guy. Shaved arms, shaved chest, eyebrows plucked, what the fudge? And the best is when they open their mouths and the beautiful uncultured language comes out. But hey that’s all cool. Girls don’t care about looks everything else. Only looks matters. So what if the guy can possibly ditch you after the first time you make love? So what if he makes mms clips of you making love and posts it online? So what if he dates 15 girls at the same time? So what if he disrespects your friends and family? So what if he embarrasses you in public? It’s all good as long as you can flaunt him in front of your other girl friends, with his mouth shut of course.
What girls find wrong with me is my weight. I love to eat, I’m lazy, I love watching movies and not doing stuff. Hey I’m the perfect guy aren’t I? I have the guts to be myself no matter how fucked up everything is, I have the sincerity to treat all people with respect. I by mistake have been taught to be nice to women, I again by mistake was taught never to wish bad for others. And you want to know how that’s helped me so far? I’M OFFICIALLY FUCKED UP!
Auf Wiedersehen. Chau. Sayonara. Adios. And Peace OUT.
School’s over. College is almost; well that’s a different issue. Many of us guys got into steady relationships in school, well then again some didn’t. Ok fine I admit. I’m talking about myself. Big deal! I used to be crazy about relationships, dying to find out what’s so special about it. Some thought of it as desperation for the opposite gender, well some still do. But who cares about them.
I used to fall so easily. Somebody’s eyes, somebody’s smile. It was all so charming. Earlier I used to be reserved and never really told anyone if I liked them. Then things changed; I got enough courage to tell someone that I liked her. Somehow I hadn’t thought about what her reaction or surprise would be like. It was a straight off no. I was perplexed as to why. I was disheartened but I made some kind of excuse to myself and pulled myself up. This became quite like a monotonous cycle. Kept happening over and over again.
I begin to think something was wrong with me. Then people confirmed my thinking. I was overweight, I was not quite prince charming. Heck! Nothing else really mattered. Initially I thought that maybe a few girls thought that way. Later realised it was mostly everybody. I tried to act cool and say that relationships are overrated. But heck I still was curious to know what relationships were all about and wanted to be in one. Though I didn’t like girls just to take care of my curiosity. I really did like them. But who cares, right?
Now the thing is I’m in college. All around me, I see couples holding hands. Going over the boundary of PDA. Well who wouldn’t wish it to be themselves? Even that doesn’t entice me as much. I like to hang out with my friends. An usual Friday or Saturday night at a night club for a drink and a jig maybe. But then these pricy night clubs ban stags. Why? How can they expect everybody to have a girlfriend or a date every time? It’s simply annoying.
Leave that. It’s the clubs wish. I see that my post is going in so many different directions but I’m venting out so bear with it. My main problem is why do looks matter so much to girl and women? Damn I’m pissed off with this. No one bothers to know what I’m like as a person they just superficially stereotype me and I find it very irritating.
So I end with the same question.
Girls and Women, why do looks matter so much to you?
Kolkata is the city where I was born, the cultural capital of India. Now as I revisit the place for the umpteenth time I’m compelled to say that much has changed. Friendly smiles have been exchanged for political banners and the goodwill that the city was so famous for has been exchanged for political agitation. I see murderers and petty thieves become the favourites just by lessening their misdoings. I see more ward numbers in the city than actual problems. I see people thrash and kill each other just to win by a marginal number of votes. I see people who’ve let hate become their modus operandi. I see fear in my own eyes, fear of venturing out of my house to take a few pictures and getting mobbed in the process. I see people being asked to join political rallies with the lure of food and music. Merry festivities are what they call them.
A political party consisting of almost a barbaric horde comes to power just by the support of the lower strata of society. I see auto drivers and maid servants worship the greater evil over the lesser evil. I see a political powerhouse like the CPI(M) come crashing down. Its fault being corruption but then I’m forced to asked myself will the newly elected party be any less corrupt? The intelligentsia of the city believed in communism, but corruption had no part to play in a communist agenda. The intelligentsia gave up their votes. The CPI(M) lost a major 15% of the total share of votes. And yet all I can do is see. I can only write about it in prose and then ponder upon it. I have no say in this world. Not yet. But one day maybe. I wait for that day anxiously.